Toastmaster Jokes

Toastmasters clubs are the most creative and educational of any organizations with which I have been associated. I have always felt that the ability to communicate effectively through speaking and writting is the key to success in this world. The public schools are not a good venue because of the fear and pressure associated with grades and impressions of peers. There have been a number of studies showing that many fear public speaking more than they fear death! The program offered by local toastmasters are geared to specific needs. Some for industry, some for fun, some for children, and some for hams like me who just love an opportunity to get on the podium. My selection for this posting is a few one-liner type jokes that are good for making points during speaking engagements. Most are very old jokes and, unfortunately, I am unable to provide credits.

Toastmaster Jokes of Unknown Origin

A man wants to teach his son the difference between “anger” and “exasperation.” Suppose, he says, you call a man and ask to speak to Adolph, and he says “Wrong number, you idiot!” Now, that’s “annoyance.” Next, you call the same man and ask again to speak to “Adolph.” This time the man is “angry.” Finally, you wait 15 minutes and call on last time saying: “Hello, this is Adolph, have there been any calls for me?” That’s “exasperation.”

My father told me this one when I was looking for a good way to end a speech. An old lady trips at the top of an escalator and falls on top of a man. She rides to the bottom in his lap. The man says: “I’m sorry, lady, but this is as far as I go.”

A real estate man in Iowa got a great deal on several acres of farm land. He drives out to the property to look over his purchase. As he is walking over a field near the road, it starts snowing and he returns to his car where a young boy is looking it over. He asks the boy: How many times do you see it snowing around here? The boy scratches his head and replies: “First time. But I’ve seen it rain twice.”

A rich man has three swimming pools: One is for people who like warm water, another is for people who want cold water, and the third one is empty—for those who don’t swim.

In times past there were reported horrible instances when the Romans allegedly turned lions loose inside a large arena and allowed them to devour Christians. A teacher was showing a movie of this to her class, and in the middle of the fracas a little boy raised his hand. The teacher stopped the movie for a moment and asked what was on his mind. The child frowned and said: “There’s one of them lions that isn’t getting any Christians!”

Another lion joke: A lion devoured all the Christians except for one who walked over to the lion and whispered something into his ear. Whereupon, the lion turned, lowered his head and went back to his cage. The spectators were amazed and asked him later what the story was. He told them: “I just whispered that “we would like for you to give a speech after dinner.”