More Jokes for Speaking

A good laugh is a great way to communicate your point in writing or in speaking. The short jokes listed in this posting were taken from several of my speeches given with the Toastmasters Club. The major rule I followed in both public speaking and in my lectures at the University was that the joke did not have to be very funny. The main criteria were relevance and timing.

MORE JOKES FOR COMMUNICATION

Education is like the bottom half of a double boiler—It’s boiling, bubbling, and busy, but it doesn’t really know what is cooking.

A four-year old was crying. When asked what the problem was, he replied: “It’s my parents. If I make a noise they spank me, and if I’m quiet, they take my temperature.”

My father used to tell about the principal who went to hell and was there four days before he knew the difference.

My mother taught the fourth grade for many years. She described her job as “trying to keep 35 corks under water at the same time.”

What is an obstacle to one person is an opportunity to another. I’m reminded of the two salesmen who were sent to Africa to open up new territories. After three days, the first salesman wired back: “Leaving on next plane. Can’t sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot.” Nothing was heard from the other salesman for three weeks. Then a thick envelope arrived with this message: “Fifty orders enclosed. Prospects are unlimited. No one here wears shoes.”

A little boy asked his mother why his dad had to bring home a briefcase every night when he came home. The mother explained that “Dad just has more work to do than he can accomplish and he has to bring some of it home.” The boy thought about this, and asked: “Well, why don’t they put him in a slower group?”

A farmer and his wife were asked to go for a plane ride at a local fair. The plane was an old-fashioned one with an open cockpit and was sometimes used for stunt flying. The pilot offered the ride for $50, but the farmer declined. Then he made the farmer a proposition. “I will take you and your wife up for a ride. If neither of you yells out, then the ride will be free. Otherwise it will cost you $50. They talked it over and decided that they could do that. The ride was very scary and included a couple of loop-the-loops, but no yells were heard. Afterward, the pilot congratulated the farmer on his cool attitude. The farmer said: “Yep, but I tell ya what, I thought you had me back there when my wife fell out!”