One of Those Days!

Ever have one of those days when nothing seems to go right? I’ve had plenty of these in my lifetime. Such as the time I lectured for hours with my pants unzipped, and thought that my jokes were what the students were laughing at; or the time in college when I was the only cadet in the Sunday parade who was not wearing a hat; or the time I lost my bathing suit after a high dive in a public swimming pool. Now that I’m in my sixties, they call these “senior moments.” Still when you put the ice cream carton in the cabinet before bedtime, it’s often hard to deal with these little travesties. In this posting, I present several incidents that provide comic relief for all except the one’s most directly involved. Send me an e-mail of your most embarrassing moment. I’ll collect these, and at some later time, I will post them—anonymously of course.

Embarrassing Moments

A young woman school teacher boarded the bus, noticed a familiar face, and nodded to a man who stared back, blankly. Flustered, she said: “I’m sorry; I thought you were the father of one of my children.”

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A woman decides to take a trip however she notices that she has only one twenty dollar bill. Still, it should be enough to make the trip satisfactorily. Later she takes the bus to her hotel, and on the way, she sits by a nice old lady with whom she becomes acquainted. After a little, she asks the old lady to watch her purse while she uses the bathroom at the back of the bus. Upon returning to her seat, she notices with horror that there is no twenty dollar bill in her purse. Recognizing that the old lady must have stolen her money, the woman secretly takes the twenty back from the pocket book of the old lady. That evening, when she is checked into her hotel room, she receives a phone call from her husband saying: “Honey, did you know you left a twenty-dollar bill on the dresser?”

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A man has a very important meeting in Albany. As he leaves on a train from his home city, he calls the porter over and explains: “Look, I’m a very heavy sleeper and a real grouch when someone wakes me, but I’ll pay you forty dollars to wake me up and get me off this train in Albany. I don’t care how angry I get or how I’m dressed; just make sure that I get off.” Next morning, the man wakes up in New York and notes that he has missed his stop. He screams at the Porter and demands to know why he was not put off in Albany. Another friend talks with the porter later saying: “Wow! That man was very angry at you this morning.” The first porter replied: “Yeah, but he wasn’t nearly as mad as that guy I put off the train in Albany.”

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I heard this one on the Johnny Carson show. He often asked his guests about their most embarrassing moments. This particular guest told the following story as if it were true. It seems that this man was traveling on a train and sitting beside a beautiful young lady as the continued its long journey to New York. Soon the man fell fast asleep, and the woman noticed that his pants were unzipped. She smiled thinking how embarrassed he would be if someone did not tell him about it. She decided that she would accidentally drop her white glove in his lap. She reasoned that he would wake up, notice the problem and quickly zip up his pants. And he did indeed wake for a moment, but thought that the glove was a corner of his white shirt. He quickly stuffed the white object back into his pants, zipped them up, and went back to sleep. The young woman was too embarrassed to say anything so she reasoned that she would just lose the glove. Johnny Carson laughed at this embarrassing moment, but the guest quickly raised his hand and said that that wasn’t his most embarrassing moment. That occurred later when undressing at home. The woman’s white glove dropped out on the floor in front of his suspicious wife.

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Another guest on the Johnny Carson Show told of his most embarrassing moment that occurred during his wedding rehearsal dinner. He was seated near the end of the table where the table cloth drapes down quite a bit. When he first sat down he noticed that his pants were unzipped. Discretely, he zipped them up, but he caught the corner of the table cloth in the zipper. He was unaware of this situation and continued the meal. The embarrassing moment came when he stood up to make a toast, and the table cloth with all the glasses and dishes on it slid to meet his pants.

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A large bosomed woman with a cold comes into a room and sits down among friends. Eventually, she starts sniffling and reaches into her bosom for a handkerchief but after feeling around, she cannot find one. Looking up she sees that several people are smiling at her. Flustered, she says: “Well . . . I know I had two of them when I came in.”