What Did You Say?

Words lend themselves to so many different interpretations, that it’s often difficult to communicate. For example, should Santa’s helpers be called “subordinate clauses;” Or should a fly without wings be called a “walk?” Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Is cheese that is not yours said to be “nacho cheese?” Is there another word for “thesaurus?” And why is “abbreviation” such a long word? Inquiring minds want to know. The collection below, of unknown origin, shows clearly why we need to think carefully as we speak or write.


Food For Thought


1. A day without sunshine is like, night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

5. If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

9. Remember, half the people you know are below average.


10. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

17. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

18. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!

19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

21. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

22. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

23. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

24. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

25. I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

26. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

27. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

28. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

29. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

30. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.