Having a Bad Day?

Every so often, there are those days when nothing seems to go right, when the world seems to be dumping on no one but you. This happens frequently for young people who are struggling with their school work or who think their parents or friends don’t understand them. As strange as it sounds, in these cases, reading about the adventures of Charlie Brown whose kite always gets caught in a tree or about some other fictional character that is in constant trouble, seems to help them cope with their own difficulties. Rodney Dangerfield’s career as a comedian didn’t really take off until he started the “I don’t get no respect” gig. His audiences loved the approach because it was funny, but also because it helped them to feel better about themselves. As a professor, I would often use Rodney Dangerfield quotes to break the ice during particularly tough lectures. The following is a list of some of his best work. Some are appropriate only for adults, but others are great for any age.


Rodney Dangerfield's 20 Best One-liners:

1. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up

2. I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

3. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

4. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid, there's so many places they can hide."

5. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said ..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

6. My mother took me to a dog show when I was a little boy. I won first prize.

7. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

8. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.

9. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.

10. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

11. I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.

12. Its been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

13. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

14. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

15. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a
pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times -- three of those times I was reading it.

16. One year they wanted to make me poster boy -- for birth control.

17. I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

18. I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

19. I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

20. I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie.